I know I know

Words are so rare...almost lost in the mist..yes I get to walk through the cloud...the rains are such company...I sing when alone....smiles are abundant...time passes by in a mad rush..yes I have more than enough on my hands....I so want to find my ground....grime..grit...puddles...pebbles...dry leaves...chilly winds...laughter that cuts....silly that I still try to find the old haven all the time...Just did not realise I was living it all along and left it back in a huff. Am I mean? May be...Am I a child?...Can be. dump it dump it dump it dump it. I realsied one more thing...everyone around me ..no matter how different..no matter with what dreams..no matter with what past looks for the same things. We all look for the same things..maybe in the wrong places. Gosh!!what wouldn't I give for a roadmap..Gees.

????????

Beginning the third week now...learnt a lot about changes,loyality,trust..literally.Hmmm....so...dizzy, bone tired,can hardly see clearly, blinded with sleep,but can't sleep...test tomorrow...Thankyou God for this wonderful lesson.Hopefully won't forget ever again. Love you Lavale. :)

P.S homesick for the first time...Waiting for a break.But. whatever.Blah!!

....???

Last day at home...won't be back for a long time, and maybe even after that....Gees!!

Current music: Can't stop giving you up-Kylie Minogue

Phew!!

Okay been long enough. Not that I didn’t realize it. Just that the monsoons have drowned whatever little zest I had. Plus these few days are flowing by just totally out of control. Have I started feeling jittery? Maybe. Change is a difficult matter. Gosh! Something is so pounding hard in my head. Need stability. All I am told is ‘get ready for a rollercoaster ride’.

So…so….uninspired,disinterested,fatigued,irritated,impatient,angry. Where is the control?? When will the sun show up? Totally fucked up,completely messed. Nearly failed. Giving up? Maybe. To all the pseudo-intellectual judgment makers.FUCK YA ALL!!! May we never cross each others’ paths. Is murder a sin? Greater sin than suicide? I need to decide.

Don’t need sweet songs any more. Have had enough. Quite enough!! Wow, since when did I start talking so straight! Just read the old diary to find nothing has changed in the base in the last three years. So why all this fuss, why run around…only to make a full circle? Does life have any meaning? Why am I being set up at this fool’s errand? At the end of the day, nothing changes..the same room, the same bed, the same me, and my shitty world. Not this time. I am not letting myself up for catastrophe. Sensitivity is suchcha, well, suchcha fucking mess. I’m not begging any more. I’m snatching what I need. That’s that.

Did I ever make fun of people neck deep in misery? Sorry. I feel it now.

P.S -I’m not even sure I am putting it up on the blog….whatever my space after all.

The Key

Seven walls, one door
Lost count and the key.
Round and round they all go around,
Are just the same to me.

The soiled floor is one lone joy
For it has shapes n song.
With oats in a boat;or coasts of gold
Or school boys thought at d gong.

Nay, it matters n yes it so does
For flayed,flogged n famished
Hope.To live a day n die d next
In scrunched little light of dope.

Sage please move ahead
They want you there
Where blah bla bla reigns.

I will play with this clay
And make my castle now.
Then the Alexander n I
Will screw d bloody crown

Then you will know,
You’ll buy the tickets to our show.
And do a mighty lot of other stuff.
And For now, leave the what’s n how’s
……………………………
…………………………….
Where the bloody hec is dat darn key!!!

Cameo #2

She sat crouching slightly towards the window, the air felt great. Especially, when she had to breath in the stench of the local train.In between the chaos of hawkers, wailing kids, arguing co-passengers, and the engine, she picked up the familiar vibrations of her mobile.She was glad.Someone had thought of her.Reading the message, a slight smile crossed her face.It somehow formed a protection of a familiar arm around her amidst the compartment full of strangers.She read and re-read the message and finally was forced to put it back.A sigh and a look across the whole crowd.Everyone was busy, either in a slumber, or looking vacant, or looking out.A pair of eyes met her from across her seat.They were of a nine or ten year old.But, they were most unlike the eyes of a child.The look had a gloom, a blurred something that was disturbing to the core.She gazed out of the window.The landscape had been similar throughout...endless fields of paddy, banana, wheat, mudhuts,thatched roofs,cattle and clay, with the dirty factories now and then.The train halted at some non-decripit station.The seat beside her was taken by the mother and the child.He kept looking at her while playing with the pallu of his mother's saree.At length he spoke.


"Do you want popcorn?".

A little taken aback, she replied in the negetive.Returned to the window.

"You know you are unkind."

Someone needed to fix cheeky kids.

"Really?"She said with a well meaning smile.



"You hate everyone here,don't you...you think you are some queen."

"Not really.I am quite ordinary",she said maintaining good humour.

"But, you have a dirty, cruel mouth."

"As you say".Why was the mother sleeping??

"And you have menacing eyes."

"Listen boy I need to rest.So, mind your business."She began gazing out of her window determinedly.What was with children now a days?

He turned away from her.He had left the pallu.Looking ahead he began to whisper.

"I know your secret.You want me to tell them?"

WTF,to put up with demented kids as if the croweded train wasn't enough.She had this impulse to wake his mother and complain.But, it was childish.

"You think you are some James Bond thingy haan?"She didn't expect him to know James Bond.

"I am Joy Bannerjee."Whatever.People had no business producing kids if they didn't know how to bring them up.

"And I do know your secret."

"If you don't stop lisping I'll call your mother now."

"Try doing it."Complacency is something undesirable in children.They should be afraid of authority.

She woke the mother up only to hear.

"Just a child.Let him play.He won't bother you."

"I told you."

"Shut up!"

"You know you need to be punished."

"If you don't stop this nonsense what you'll get is a tight slap."

He looked indifferent and solemn.

"I will marry you one day.Then you will have to stay with me.And Maa can punish you."She didn't know why she should be perturbed by this double faced,sleek-tongued ,whispering,little imp.But,still she was already trying to dial some number to avoid him.

"The next station is where I get down.Should wake her up."He lovingly jerked up the dead-with-sleep lady.

The train halted and mother and son walked out. What a relief!

"I will meet you again.And the next time be nice and say yes to pop corns....coming Maa"

She was left gazing out of the window, watching the two figures descending.

THE S'TRIP

In darkness two figures are seated facing each other on chairs. Their hands are tied in the back. One looks up and one down. Only their silhouettes appear.

Characters:
A(in italics)
B(straight)
Angry(as Ang)
Lost(as L)
Vacant
Clytemnestra
Agnes Green.
1
2
3



Announcement: Agnes Green. From Yale. Contracted two years back. Black. Adult. 167 lbs. suffered from acute thrombosis. Executed.
....................................................................................................................................
(lights on to show the two seated)

You still there?

No.

What?

I am not there.

But, you are.

So why ask?

I am outta work.

I am outta breath.

Hmm. Does that count?

I can’t count.

Why?

You know.

I know.

You do?

Do I?

I can’t think.

Why?

I can’t think.

Why?

I can’t think why I can’t think.

Are you well? You almost made sense.

No.

This is a fine mess.

Right.

Let’s figure.

Go figure.

But, we are on leave.

Won’t be long.

I need my bonus.

Hmm.

Doesn’t matter, right?

No. doesn’t.

Then what does?

Shatter the matter for once, will you?

So you dance away with the manner?

Ha ha ha…that was some fun I had.

I saw you.

Who didn’t?

And I thought you were all for the cause.

Really?

I thought you were the cause, the cause that really mattered.

No. you are it. You are the cause.( And again leave poor matter out.)

Am I ? really? I can’t believe it. I can’t.

Now stuff it.

But, this is great, don’t you think?

I can’t.

(in a vague singsong)I am the cause, I am the cause. Yes, I am.

Enter- Angry and Lost (both cross armed)

Oh you didn’t tell me about guests?

What guests?

Hey buster, who d you think you are?

Ang: I am angry.

I dint ask about health.

What do you need?

Ang:I am looking for the cause.

Really?

Why?

Ang:I want to know why I am what I am.

(casually)And you would be…..?

Ang:(violently)Angry.(shaking) I said I am angry.

Yes.

And who have you got along?

Ang: None. Are you cause?

He is all manners

( looking at Lost)

Hey, why do you hide away?

L: I am lost.

No you are found.

L: But, I am lost. I can’t get out of it.

Which is your way?

L: No way.

Oh, now I was looking for it myself the other day.

L: But nobody has found it.

Found what?

L: No way.

L: He took it and they tell me he went far.

So far so good.

L: What is?

Nothing is.

L: But I am lost.

No you are found.

Ang: Will ya cut the crap. Where is the cause?

(enter Vacant unnoticed by others, he roams around vaguely)

Here is the cause.

Ang: You, are you?

Yes, no and maybe.

Ang: Tell me yes.

No.

Will you?

Maybe.

Ang: Then do.

Yes.

Ang: (grinding his teeth)Finally.

Let’s stick to initially.

Ang: What initially?

Who are you, apart from angry?

Ang: Nothing. Too much of poteen and proverb.

That’s rough.

Plain Irish.

My sympathies.

L: Hey what about me? I am lost.

(under his breath) buying time.

Ang: I have had enough.

What do you want?

Ang:I want the cause.

For what?

Ang: To kill him.

(distracted)Hey you…hey I am talking to you. who is this?

Ang:Broccoli. Wilted Broccoli.

Then I hate him already. gerroff !!

L: Agnes Green prolly.

He is Vacant.(pause) yes, that’s the name.

Hey listen Vacant, sit down somewhere, will you.

(keeps wandering all over)

Strange. Is he on drugs?

I am. He is not.

Oh, now it’s clear. No wonder you made sense more than once.

Yes. Yes.

Enter Clytemnestra

C: (shouting) can you? Can you? Can you? Oh tell me.

Ang: Now who is she?

C: Looking for Messi Mi McAka.

We don’t cover it.

C: But, I was told to check. They told me I will surely find them.

L: Who?

C: Messi Mi McAka(looking around) hey you sonsovabitch come out now!

Ang: Can’t you shut your stinking guts lady?

C:(takes out body spray and sprays for a long time) fine now? You run around, bath in your own salts and get what???

I don’t know.

C: Right.

Can we help?

(surprised)You want to?

C: No, I must find them on my own. Is this 66?

Yes.

C: So they must be here.

Announcement: That’s the next shift Clit. Come an hour later. Now clear off.

C: But, it is time.(sighs) oh ok. I will wait. But, I can’t go back. I signed out for three.

Why don’t you go sit with Vacant?

L: Where are you headed?

C: Oh nowhere.

L: Really? I was hoping someone would give me directions. I’m lost you see.

(C goes there and sits with Vacant, tried to catch his interest)

Ang: You ready?

For?

Ang:I am going to kill you.

You cannot.

Ang:Oh really?

He’s right. Quite a hardy. We actually arranged for men to do that.

Strike three.

Ang:Then it is all wrong. I was told to kill.

C: Isn’t there a laugh?(everyone looks at her except Angry)

V: (shakes his head)

C: well, someone needs to script it then.

C: are you Agnes Green?

V: (shrugs)

(coming back to the discussion)

Who told you?

Ang:She did.

She is mistaken.

L: Hey she gave me the directions. Now we can go.

You found it? Lovely.

Ang: What’s this?

A little help here.

L: Sure. I do weights. You see.(undoes the knot)

Strong girl.

Where are you going?

Nowhere.

Good.

Ang: We all must go there one day.

I worked hard for it.

Plain lucky.

C: none of you actually make any sense.

You are the late entrant. So sit quietly and mark your ground.

Whatever.

Yes.

Now then, I will take leave.

Same here.

Alone?

No Vacant is with me.

Sounds good. Suits you.

(All four Leave)

C: Where did they go?

Ang: Lost-Cause went Nowhere.

Ang: Vacant-Manners went Somewhere.

C: And why are you here?

Ang: I am waiting.

C: For?

Ang: The cause.

C: But he just went, right?

Ang: No, he is still to arrive.

C: No one wants a lost cause, do they?

Ang: No they don’t.

Ang: How long are you here?

C: For some time.

Ang: (simplistically) catch a beer?

C: I thought you were Angry?

Ang: Yes. I am.

C: Let’s go.


1:Agnes Green..? where is Agnes Green? Did you look at 66 carefully?

2:Yes. He is not to be found.

3:He is executed.

2:Oh, yes now I remember.

1:Put it on records, you idiot. You’ll mess it all up.