Nearly a Year Later...

I find that I am extremely exhausted. I find that I am on the verge of losing a couple of friends. I find that the friends I made in the meantime do not know the true me. I find that maybe I have changed. I find that it has become uncomfortably difficult to comprehend myself, control myself and get a proper orientation. I find I am confused with the apparent relativity of things and people. I find that I waste a lot of my energy in meaningless pursuits. I find that I have no time to do what I love best. I find I have no clarity of thought. I find that I have stopped conversing with myself. I find that I have a lot of unresolved issues. I find that I have unlearnt a lot of things. I find that when I am happy others are not. I find that I can not decipher the true nature of a lot of people. I find that I have no business doing that too.I find that I am angry most of the time. I find that I have learnt to hide the anger behind smiles. I find that I can not deal with realities too much. I find that trusting is foolish. I find that nothing is final or ultimate, there always is a sequel in waiting.I find that hope is the only way to live now. I find that I complicate life unnecessarily. I find that I can not help but do it. I find that there is a huge need to talk. I find that I do not have anyone close by to do so.I find that I have learnt to scratch out names that give me nonsensical junk and an uncalled for headache. I find that I am frustrated. I find that I am ashamed to admit it.I find that I am looking for happiness like I am on a treasure hunt. I find that I am lost in layers of I don't know what.But, Yes. I find that I am lost.