Rains

The sudden flash drew her near the window. It was raining harder. The thunder claps were like sudden whip lashes. She looked down to find the traffic in a mess in ankle deep Kolkata rain water. Resting her forehead against the cool glass was a relief. She felt feverish. The crowd behind her back was forgotten. She felt nothing for anyone standing there, laughing softly, cracking silly jokes and remarking on each other’s attire. To see them jostling there made her sick, empty and utterly hopeless. Only five minutes ago they had been a part of her life, an all important part. She had alienated herself. It is my problem she tried to convince herself. But, then it had been enough for one evening. She needed to get out of it, to see light, to breath. She moved away a little. Her straps hurt her. She bent down to ease them. The mirror showed most of the party assembled there. He stood there laughing (that he felt was a duty while with ladies) and talking business(money, always money). She looked herself in it. The feeling of shame went deep down to the pit of her stomach. Nothing was worth anything more. Everything amounted to a heap of dirt.The past was humming ever so loudly. She could not take the agitation any longer. She must give it in, someway, somewhere.

Away…away…away from it…from them all. She ran out into the great hall, the bar, another room…lost again. How big is this place?? The chill made her shiver, she wanted someone to guide her, but words were hard to fetch. They were two now, and it was so much more than she could handle. The reception…okay…out of it…once and for all. The day had been so grand and sunny, so cheerful and promising. Now, it was dark and sinister(almost nightfall), thunderclaps and the relentless rain battering. The clock said 4:15.

She ran down the stairway as fast as she could. But bad days have a thing. They don’t leave you till you are no more yourself. Her heels gave way on the last stair. Nothing is sexier than your feet in those heels, unless of course it’s just your feet. She held the banister for support and stepped out. The rain caught her by surprise. It was powerful, hammering her skull. She ran towards the parking lot. Drenched to skin and nowhere to hide. The fever deserted her for the first time. She became aware of the stares. I must look like a mad woman. Shouldn’t have worn this today. Well, how does it matter, anyway.

A voice came pretty weak, due to the downpour. Someone was calling out to her. She didn’t want to know. Run…run…run.

-Hey wait. Hey. Listen to me May. Come back.

-Hey. Hi. Yes. Tell me.

-What is this? Why are you running away? Come under the umbrella.

-Oh, nothing. I mean I just dropped in to say Hi to everyone. I have some shopping on the agenda.

-Yeah, right!

-Right.

-Have you been crying?

-It’s the rains.

-Stop trying to smile so much.

-Okay. What is it?

-Can we talk somewhere else? I mean it is pretty harsh.

-No. I like it. Tell me.

-Don’t make a scene here. Everyone is staring.

-Well, I should leave.

-I know what happened out there.

-So? You know.

-Forget it now.

-That was easy, right?

-Why are you doing this to yourself?

-I am not doing anything. I just need to get away from it all.

-You never give a chance to the right people.

-Maybe.

-When I saw you come in today, I thought you never looked so stunning before.

-Well, I’ll have to run now. I am already late.

-I can’t let you go. It is dark.

-Can you come with me? Now?

-Now? But, they are all waiting for us. Come with me. I’ll drop you when it gets over.

-Forget it. I understand. Leave me alone, please.

She ran away into the jam, dodging the already stuck cars and vans and bikes. For once she did not care what others might think. She did not give a second thought to the looks. It did not even stir the ready hatred. Just a sad, sad indifference to all. A cab nearly struck her. She didn’t react. Only got into it. The cabbie did not ask, just looked. Take me anywhere. He looked puzzled but kept moving. The rain was pelting harder. She cried, cried her heart out, everything, everyone, blurred into insignificance. First times are always trying. So this was life. She was learning.