Okay been long enough. Not that I didn’t realize it. Just that the monsoons have drowned whatever little zest I had. Plus these few days are flowing by just totally out of control. Have I started feeling jittery? Maybe. Change is a difficult matter. Gosh! Something is so pounding hard in my head. Need stability. All I am told is ‘get ready for a rollercoaster ride’.
So…so….uninspired,disinterested,fatigued,irritated,impatient,angry. Where is the control?? When will the sun show up? Totally fucked up,completely messed. Nearly failed. Giving up? Maybe. To all the pseudo-intellectual judgment makers.FUCK YA ALL!!! May we never cross each others’ paths. Is murder a sin? Greater sin than suicide? I need to decide.
Don’t need sweet songs any more. Have had enough. Quite enough!! Wow, since when did I start talking so straight! Just read the old diary to find nothing has changed in the base in the last three years. So why all this fuss, why run around…only to make a full circle? Does life have any meaning? Why am I being set up at this fool’s errand? At the end of the day, nothing changes..the same room, the same bed, the same me, and my shitty world. Not this time. I am not letting myself up for catastrophe. Sensitivity is suchcha, well, suchcha fucking mess. I’m not begging any more. I’m snatching what I need. That’s that.
Did I ever make fun of people neck deep in misery? Sorry. I feel it now.
P.S -I’m not even sure I am putting it up on the blog….whatever my space after all.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
The Key
Seven walls, one door
Lost count and the key.
Round and round they all go around,
Are just the same to me.
The soiled floor is one lone joy
For it has shapes n song.
With oats in a boat;or coasts of gold
Or school boys thought at d gong.
Nay, it matters n yes it so does
For flayed,flogged n famished
Hope.To live a day n die d next
In scrunched little light of dope.
Sage please move ahead
They want you there
Where blah bla bla reigns.
I will play with this clay
And make my castle now.
Then the Alexander n I
Will screw d bloody crown
Then you will know,
You’ll buy the tickets to our show.
And do a mighty lot of other stuff.
And For now, leave the what’s n how’s
……………………………
…………………………….
Where the bloody hec is dat darn key!!!
Lost count and the key.
Round and round they all go around,
Are just the same to me.
The soiled floor is one lone joy
For it has shapes n song.
With oats in a boat;or coasts of gold
Or school boys thought at d gong.
Nay, it matters n yes it so does
For flayed,flogged n famished
Hope.To live a day n die d next
In scrunched little light of dope.
Sage please move ahead
They want you there
Where blah bla bla reigns.
I will play with this clay
And make my castle now.
Then the Alexander n I
Will screw d bloody crown
Then you will know,
You’ll buy the tickets to our show.
And do a mighty lot of other stuff.
And For now, leave the what’s n how’s
……………………………
…………………………….
Where the bloody hec is dat darn key!!!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Cameo #2
She sat crouching slightly towards the window, the air felt great. Especially, when she had to breath in the stench of the local train.In between the chaos of hawkers, wailing kids, arguing co-passengers, and the engine, she picked up the familiar vibrations of her mobile.She was glad.Someone had thought of her.Reading the message, a slight smile crossed her face.It somehow formed a protection of a familiar arm around her amidst the compartment full of strangers.She read and re-read the message and finally was forced to put it back.A sigh and a look across the whole crowd.Everyone was busy, either in a slumber, or looking vacant, or looking out.A pair of eyes met her from across her seat.They were of a nine or ten year old.But, they were most unlike the eyes of a child.The look had a gloom, a blurred something that was disturbing to the core.She gazed out of the window.The landscape had been similar throughout...endless fields of paddy, banana, wheat, mudhuts,thatched roofs,cattle and clay, with the dirty factories now and then.The train halted at some non-decripit station.The seat beside her was taken by the mother and the child.He kept looking at her while playing with the pallu of his mother's saree.At length he spoke.
"Do you want popcorn?".
A little taken aback, she replied in the negetive.Returned to the window.
"You know you are unkind."
Someone needed to fix cheeky kids.
"Really?"She said with a well meaning smile.
"You hate everyone here,don't you...you think you are some queen."
"Not really.I am quite ordinary",she said maintaining good humour.
"But, you have a dirty, cruel mouth."
"As you say".Why was the mother sleeping??
"And you have menacing eyes."
"Listen boy I need to rest.So, mind your business."She began gazing out of her window determinedly.What was with children now a days?
He turned away from her.He had left the pallu.Looking ahead he began to whisper.
"I know your secret.You want me to tell them?"
WTF,to put up with demented kids as if the croweded train wasn't enough.She had this impulse to wake his mother and complain.But, it was childish.
"You think you are some James Bond thingy haan?"She didn't expect him to know James Bond.
"I am Joy Bannerjee."Whatever.People had no business producing kids if they didn't know how to bring them up.
"And I do know your secret."
"If you don't stop lisping I'll call your mother now."
"Try doing it."Complacency is something undesirable in children.They should be afraid of authority.
She woke the mother up only to hear.
"Just a child.Let him play.He won't bother you."
"I told you."
"Shut up!"
"You know you need to be punished."
"If you don't stop this nonsense what you'll get is a tight slap."
He looked indifferent and solemn.
"I will marry you one day.Then you will have to stay with me.And Maa can punish you."She didn't know why she should be perturbed by this double faced,sleek-tongued ,whispering,little imp.But,still she was already trying to dial some number to avoid him.
"The next station is where I get down.Should wake her up."He lovingly jerked up the dead-with-sleep lady.
The train halted and mother and son walked out. What a relief!
"I will meet you again.And the next time be nice and say yes to pop corns....coming Maa"
She was left gazing out of the window, watching the two figures descending.
"Do you want popcorn?".
A little taken aback, she replied in the negetive.Returned to the window.
"You know you are unkind."
Someone needed to fix cheeky kids.
"Really?"She said with a well meaning smile.
"You hate everyone here,don't you...you think you are some queen."
"Not really.I am quite ordinary",she said maintaining good humour.
"But, you have a dirty, cruel mouth."
"As you say".Why was the mother sleeping??
"And you have menacing eyes."
"Listen boy I need to rest.So, mind your business."She began gazing out of her window determinedly.What was with children now a days?
He turned away from her.He had left the pallu.Looking ahead he began to whisper.
"I know your secret.You want me to tell them?"
WTF,to put up with demented kids as if the croweded train wasn't enough.She had this impulse to wake his mother and complain.But, it was childish.
"You think you are some James Bond thingy haan?"She didn't expect him to know James Bond.
"I am Joy Bannerjee."Whatever.People had no business producing kids if they didn't know how to bring them up.
"And I do know your secret."
"If you don't stop lisping I'll call your mother now."
"Try doing it."Complacency is something undesirable in children.They should be afraid of authority.
She woke the mother up only to hear.
"Just a child.Let him play.He won't bother you."
"I told you."
"Shut up!"
"You know you need to be punished."
"If you don't stop this nonsense what you'll get is a tight slap."
He looked indifferent and solemn.
"I will marry you one day.Then you will have to stay with me.And Maa can punish you."She didn't know why she should be perturbed by this double faced,sleek-tongued ,whispering,little imp.But,still she was already trying to dial some number to avoid him.
"The next station is where I get down.Should wake her up."He lovingly jerked up the dead-with-sleep lady.
The train halted and mother and son walked out. What a relief!
"I will meet you again.And the next time be nice and say yes to pop corns....coming Maa"
She was left gazing out of the window, watching the two figures descending.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
THE S'TRIP
In darkness two figures are seated facing each other on chairs. Their hands are tied in the back. One looks up and one down. Only their silhouettes appear.
Characters:
A(in italics)
B(straight)
Angry(as Ang)
Lost(as L)
Vacant
Clytemnestra
Agnes Green.
1
2
3
Announcement: Agnes Green. From Yale. Contracted two years back. Black. Adult. 167 lbs. suffered from acute thrombosis. Executed.
....................................................................................................................................
(lights on to show the two seated)
You still there?
No.
What?
I am not there.
But, you are.
So why ask?
I am outta work.
I am outta breath.
Hmm. Does that count?
I can’t count.
Why?
You know.
I know.
You do?
Do I?
I can’t think.
Why?
I can’t think.
Why?
I can’t think why I can’t think.
Are you well? You almost made sense.
No.
This is a fine mess.
Right.
Let’s figure.
Go figure.
But, we are on leave.
Won’t be long.
I need my bonus.
Hmm.
Doesn’t matter, right?
No. doesn’t.
Then what does?
Shatter the matter for once, will you?
So you dance away with the manner?
Ha ha ha…that was some fun I had.
I saw you.
Who didn’t?
And I thought you were all for the cause.
Really?
I thought you were the cause, the cause that really mattered.
No. you are it. You are the cause.( And again leave poor matter out.)
Am I ? really? I can’t believe it. I can’t.
Now stuff it.
But, this is great, don’t you think?
I can’t.
(in a vague singsong)I am the cause, I am the cause. Yes, I am.
Enter- Angry and Lost (both cross armed)
Oh you didn’t tell me about guests?
What guests?
Hey buster, who d you think you are?
Ang: I am angry.
I dint ask about health.
What do you need?
Ang:I am looking for the cause.
Really?
Why?
Ang:I want to know why I am what I am.
(casually)And you would be…..?
Ang:(violently)Angry.(shaking) I said I am angry.
Yes.
And who have you got along?
Ang: None. Are you cause?
He is all manners
( looking at Lost)
Hey, why do you hide away?
L: I am lost.
No you are found.
L: But, I am lost. I can’t get out of it.
Which is your way?
L: No way.
Oh, now I was looking for it myself the other day.
L: But nobody has found it.
Found what?
L: No way.
L: He took it and they tell me he went far.
So far so good.
L: What is?
Nothing is.
L: But I am lost.
No you are found.
Ang: Will ya cut the crap. Where is the cause?
(enter Vacant unnoticed by others, he roams around vaguely)
Here is the cause.
Ang: You, are you?
Yes, no and maybe.
Ang: Tell me yes.
No.
Will you?
Maybe.
Ang: Then do.
Yes.
Ang: (grinding his teeth)Finally.
Let’s stick to initially.
Ang: What initially?
Who are you, apart from angry?
Ang: Nothing. Too much of poteen and proverb.
That’s rough.
Plain Irish.
My sympathies.
L: Hey what about me? I am lost.
(under his breath) buying time.
Ang: I have had enough.
What do you want?
Ang:I want the cause.
For what?
Ang: To kill him.
(distracted)Hey you…hey I am talking to you. who is this?
Ang:Broccoli. Wilted Broccoli.
Then I hate him already. gerroff !!
L: Agnes Green prolly.
He is Vacant.(pause) yes, that’s the name.
Hey listen Vacant, sit down somewhere, will you.
(keeps wandering all over)
Strange. Is he on drugs?
I am. He is not.
Oh, now it’s clear. No wonder you made sense more than once.
Yes. Yes.
Enter Clytemnestra
C: (shouting) can you? Can you? Can you? Oh tell me.
Ang: Now who is she?
C: Looking for Messi Mi McAka.
We don’t cover it.
C: But, I was told to check. They told me I will surely find them.
L: Who?
C: Messi Mi McAka(looking around) hey you sonsovabitch come out now!
Ang: Can’t you shut your stinking guts lady?
C:(takes out body spray and sprays for a long time) fine now? You run around, bath in your own salts and get what???
I don’t know.
C: Right.
Can we help?
(surprised)You want to?
C: No, I must find them on my own. Is this 66?
Yes.
C: So they must be here.
Announcement: That’s the next shift Clit. Come an hour later. Now clear off.
C: But, it is time.(sighs) oh ok. I will wait. But, I can’t go back. I signed out for three.
Why don’t you go sit with Vacant?
L: Where are you headed?
C: Oh nowhere.
L: Really? I was hoping someone would give me directions. I’m lost you see.
(C goes there and sits with Vacant, tried to catch his interest)
Ang: You ready?
For?
Ang:I am going to kill you.
You cannot.
Ang:Oh really?
He’s right. Quite a hardy. We actually arranged for men to do that.
Strike three.
Ang:Then it is all wrong. I was told to kill.
C: Isn’t there a laugh?(everyone looks at her except Angry)
V: (shakes his head)
C: well, someone needs to script it then.
C: are you Agnes Green?
V: (shrugs)
(coming back to the discussion)
Who told you?
Ang:She did.
She is mistaken.
L: Hey she gave me the directions. Now we can go.
You found it? Lovely.
Ang: What’s this?
A little help here.
L: Sure. I do weights. You see.(undoes the knot)
Strong girl.
Where are you going?
Nowhere.
Good.
Ang: We all must go there one day.
I worked hard for it.
Plain lucky.
C: none of you actually make any sense.
You are the late entrant. So sit quietly and mark your ground.
Whatever.
Yes.
Now then, I will take leave.
Same here.
Alone?
No Vacant is with me.
Sounds good. Suits you.
(All four Leave)
C: Where did they go?
Ang: Lost-Cause went Nowhere.
Ang: Vacant-Manners went Somewhere.
C: And why are you here?
Ang: I am waiting.
C: For?
Ang: The cause.
C: But he just went, right?
Ang: No, he is still to arrive.
C: No one wants a lost cause, do they?
Ang: No they don’t.
Ang: How long are you here?
C: For some time.
Ang: (simplistically) catch a beer?
C: I thought you were Angry?
Ang: Yes. I am.
C: Let’s go.
1:Agnes Green..? where is Agnes Green? Did you look at 66 carefully?
2:Yes. He is not to be found.
3:He is executed.
2:Oh, yes now I remember.
1:Put it on records, you idiot. You’ll mess it all up.
Characters:
A(in italics)
B(straight)
Angry(as Ang)
Lost(as L)
Vacant
Clytemnestra
Agnes Green.
1
2
3
Announcement: Agnes Green. From Yale. Contracted two years back. Black. Adult. 167 lbs. suffered from acute thrombosis. Executed.
....................................................................................................................................
(lights on to show the two seated)
You still there?
No.
What?
I am not there.
But, you are.
So why ask?
I am outta work.
I am outta breath.
Hmm. Does that count?
I can’t count.
Why?
You know.
I know.
You do?
Do I?
I can’t think.
Why?
I can’t think.
Why?
I can’t think why I can’t think.
Are you well? You almost made sense.
No.
This is a fine mess.
Right.
Let’s figure.
Go figure.
But, we are on leave.
Won’t be long.
I need my bonus.
Hmm.
Doesn’t matter, right?
No. doesn’t.
Then what does?
Shatter the matter for once, will you?
So you dance away with the manner?
Ha ha ha…that was some fun I had.
I saw you.
Who didn’t?
And I thought you were all for the cause.
Really?
I thought you were the cause, the cause that really mattered.
No. you are it. You are the cause.( And again leave poor matter out.)
Am I ? really? I can’t believe it. I can’t.
Now stuff it.
But, this is great, don’t you think?
I can’t.
(in a vague singsong)I am the cause, I am the cause. Yes, I am.
Enter- Angry and Lost (both cross armed)
Oh you didn’t tell me about guests?
What guests?
Hey buster, who d you think you are?
Ang: I am angry.
I dint ask about health.
What do you need?
Ang:I am looking for the cause.
Really?
Why?
Ang:I want to know why I am what I am.
(casually)And you would be…..?
Ang:(violently)Angry.(shaking) I said I am angry.
Yes.
And who have you got along?
Ang: None. Are you cause?
He is all manners
( looking at Lost)
Hey, why do you hide away?
L: I am lost.
No you are found.
L: But, I am lost. I can’t get out of it.
Which is your way?
L: No way.
Oh, now I was looking for it myself the other day.
L: But nobody has found it.
Found what?
L: No way.
L: He took it and they tell me he went far.
So far so good.
L: What is?
Nothing is.
L: But I am lost.
No you are found.
Ang: Will ya cut the crap. Where is the cause?
(enter Vacant unnoticed by others, he roams around vaguely)
Here is the cause.
Ang: You, are you?
Yes, no and maybe.
Ang: Tell me yes.
No.
Will you?
Maybe.
Ang: Then do.
Yes.
Ang: (grinding his teeth)Finally.
Let’s stick to initially.
Ang: What initially?
Who are you, apart from angry?
Ang: Nothing. Too much of poteen and proverb.
That’s rough.
Plain Irish.
My sympathies.
L: Hey what about me? I am lost.
(under his breath) buying time.
Ang: I have had enough.
What do you want?
Ang:I want the cause.
For what?
Ang: To kill him.
(distracted)Hey you…hey I am talking to you. who is this?
Ang:Broccoli. Wilted Broccoli.
Then I hate him already. gerroff !!
L: Agnes Green prolly.
He is Vacant.(pause) yes, that’s the name.
Hey listen Vacant, sit down somewhere, will you.
(keeps wandering all over)
Strange. Is he on drugs?
I am. He is not.
Oh, now it’s clear. No wonder you made sense more than once.
Yes. Yes.
Enter Clytemnestra
C: (shouting) can you? Can you? Can you? Oh tell me.
Ang: Now who is she?
C: Looking for Messi Mi McAka.
We don’t cover it.
C: But, I was told to check. They told me I will surely find them.
L: Who?
C: Messi Mi McAka(looking around) hey you sonsovabitch come out now!
Ang: Can’t you shut your stinking guts lady?
C:(takes out body spray and sprays for a long time) fine now? You run around, bath in your own salts and get what???
I don’t know.
C: Right.
Can we help?
(surprised)You want to?
C: No, I must find them on my own. Is this 66?
Yes.
C: So they must be here.
Announcement: That’s the next shift Clit. Come an hour later. Now clear off.
C: But, it is time.(sighs) oh ok. I will wait. But, I can’t go back. I signed out for three.
Why don’t you go sit with Vacant?
L: Where are you headed?
C: Oh nowhere.
L: Really? I was hoping someone would give me directions. I’m lost you see.
(C goes there and sits with Vacant, tried to catch his interest)
Ang: You ready?
For?
Ang:I am going to kill you.
You cannot.
Ang:Oh really?
He’s right. Quite a hardy. We actually arranged for men to do that.
Strike three.
Ang:Then it is all wrong. I was told to kill.
C: Isn’t there a laugh?(everyone looks at her except Angry)
V: (shakes his head)
C: well, someone needs to script it then.
C: are you Agnes Green?
V: (shrugs)
(coming back to the discussion)
Who told you?
Ang:She did.
She is mistaken.
L: Hey she gave me the directions. Now we can go.
You found it? Lovely.
Ang: What’s this?
A little help here.
L: Sure. I do weights. You see.(undoes the knot)
Strong girl.
Where are you going?
Nowhere.
Good.
Ang: We all must go there one day.
I worked hard for it.
Plain lucky.
C: none of you actually make any sense.
You are the late entrant. So sit quietly and mark your ground.
Whatever.
Yes.
Now then, I will take leave.
Same here.
Alone?
No Vacant is with me.
Sounds good. Suits you.
(All four Leave)
C: Where did they go?
Ang: Lost-Cause went Nowhere.
Ang: Vacant-Manners went Somewhere.
C: And why are you here?
Ang: I am waiting.
C: For?
Ang: The cause.
C: But he just went, right?
Ang: No, he is still to arrive.
C: No one wants a lost cause, do they?
Ang: No they don’t.
Ang: How long are you here?
C: For some time.
Ang: (simplistically) catch a beer?
C: I thought you were Angry?
Ang: Yes. I am.
C: Let’s go.
1:Agnes Green..? where is Agnes Green? Did you look at 66 carefully?
2:Yes. He is not to be found.
3:He is executed.
2:Oh, yes now I remember.
1:Put it on records, you idiot. You’ll mess it all up.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Rains
The sudden flash drew her near the window. It was raining harder. The thunder claps were like sudden whip lashes. She looked down to find the traffic in a mess in ankle deep Kolkata rain water. Resting her forehead against the cool glass was a relief. She felt feverish. The crowd behind her back was forgotten. She felt nothing for anyone standing there, laughing softly, cracking silly jokes and remarking on each other’s attire. To see them jostling there made her sick, empty and utterly hopeless. Only five minutes ago they had been a part of her life, an all important part. She had alienated herself. It is my problem she tried to convince herself. But, then it had been enough for one evening. She needed to get out of it, to see light, to breath. She moved away a little. Her straps hurt her. She bent down to ease them. The mirror showed most of the party assembled there. He stood there laughing (that he felt was a duty while with ladies) and talking business(money, always money). She looked herself in it. The feeling of shame went deep down to the pit of her stomach. Nothing was worth anything more. Everything amounted to a heap of dirt.The past was humming ever so loudly. She could not take the agitation any longer. She must give it in, someway, somewhere.
Away…away…away from it…from them all. She ran out into the great hall, the bar, another room…lost again. How big is this place?? The chill made her shiver, she wanted someone to guide her, but words were hard to fetch. They were two now, and it was so much more than she could handle. The reception…okay…out of it…once and for all. The day had been so grand and sunny, so cheerful and promising. Now, it was dark and sinister(almost nightfall), thunderclaps and the relentless rain battering. The clock said 4:15.
She ran down the stairway as fast as she could. But bad days have a thing. They don’t leave you till you are no more yourself. Her heels gave way on the last stair. Nothing is sexier than your feet in those heels, unless of course it’s just your feet. She held the banister for support and stepped out. The rain caught her by surprise. It was powerful, hammering her skull. She ran towards the parking lot. Drenched to skin and nowhere to hide. The fever deserted her for the first time. She became aware of the stares. I must look like a mad woman. Shouldn’t have worn this today. Well, how does it matter, anyway.
A voice came pretty weak, due to the downpour. Someone was calling out to her. She didn’t want to know. Run…run…run.
-Hey wait. Hey. Listen to me May. Come back.
-Hey. Hi. Yes. Tell me.
-What is this? Why are you running away? Come under the umbrella.
-Oh, nothing. I mean I just dropped in to say Hi to everyone. I have some shopping on the agenda.
-Yeah, right!
-Right.
-Have you been crying?
-It’s the rains.
-Stop trying to smile so much.
-Okay. What is it?
-Can we talk somewhere else? I mean it is pretty harsh.
-No. I like it. Tell me.
-Don’t make a scene here. Everyone is staring.
-Well, I should leave.
-I know what happened out there.
-So? You know.
-Forget it now.
-That was easy, right?
-Why are you doing this to yourself?
-I am not doing anything. I just need to get away from it all.
-You never give a chance to the right people.
-Maybe.
-When I saw you come in today, I thought you never looked so stunning before.
-Well, I’ll have to run now. I am already late.
-I can’t let you go. It is dark.
-Can you come with me? Now?
-Now? But, they are all waiting for us. Come with me. I’ll drop you when it gets over.
-Forget it. I understand. Leave me alone, please.
She ran away into the jam, dodging the already stuck cars and vans and bikes. For once she did not care what others might think. She did not give a second thought to the looks. It did not even stir the ready hatred. Just a sad, sad indifference to all. A cab nearly struck her. She didn’t react. Only got into it. The cabbie did not ask, just looked. Take me anywhere. He looked puzzled but kept moving. The rain was pelting harder. She cried, cried her heart out, everything, everyone, blurred into insignificance. First times are always trying. So this was life. She was learning.
Away…away…away from it…from them all. She ran out into the great hall, the bar, another room…lost again. How big is this place?? The chill made her shiver, she wanted someone to guide her, but words were hard to fetch. They were two now, and it was so much more than she could handle. The reception…okay…out of it…once and for all. The day had been so grand and sunny, so cheerful and promising. Now, it was dark and sinister(almost nightfall), thunderclaps and the relentless rain battering. The clock said 4:15.
She ran down the stairway as fast as she could. But bad days have a thing. They don’t leave you till you are no more yourself. Her heels gave way on the last stair. Nothing is sexier than your feet in those heels, unless of course it’s just your feet. She held the banister for support and stepped out. The rain caught her by surprise. It was powerful, hammering her skull. She ran towards the parking lot. Drenched to skin and nowhere to hide. The fever deserted her for the first time. She became aware of the stares. I must look like a mad woman. Shouldn’t have worn this today. Well, how does it matter, anyway.
A voice came pretty weak, due to the downpour. Someone was calling out to her. She didn’t want to know. Run…run…run.
-Hey wait. Hey. Listen to me May. Come back.
-Hey. Hi. Yes. Tell me.
-What is this? Why are you running away? Come under the umbrella.
-Oh, nothing. I mean I just dropped in to say Hi to everyone. I have some shopping on the agenda.
-Yeah, right!
-Right.
-Have you been crying?
-It’s the rains.
-Stop trying to smile so much.
-Okay. What is it?
-Can we talk somewhere else? I mean it is pretty harsh.
-No. I like it. Tell me.
-Don’t make a scene here. Everyone is staring.
-Well, I should leave.
-I know what happened out there.
-So? You know.
-Forget it now.
-That was easy, right?
-Why are you doing this to yourself?
-I am not doing anything. I just need to get away from it all.
-You never give a chance to the right people.
-Maybe.
-When I saw you come in today, I thought you never looked so stunning before.
-Well, I’ll have to run now. I am already late.
-I can’t let you go. It is dark.
-Can you come with me? Now?
-Now? But, they are all waiting for us. Come with me. I’ll drop you when it gets over.
-Forget it. I understand. Leave me alone, please.
She ran away into the jam, dodging the already stuck cars and vans and bikes. For once she did not care what others might think. She did not give a second thought to the looks. It did not even stir the ready hatred. Just a sad, sad indifference to all. A cab nearly struck her. She didn’t react. Only got into it. The cabbie did not ask, just looked. Take me anywhere. He looked puzzled but kept moving. The rain was pelting harder. She cried, cried her heart out, everything, everyone, blurred into insignificance. First times are always trying. So this was life. She was learning.
For Old Times' Sake.
Last night I sang myself to sleep. Doesn't happen often. But, then whatever! I had almost forgotten these melodies. The songs of my school days. Edelweiss...My favourite things....Ribbons of blue....By the river of Babylon...Do Re Me Fa'...Yellow Polka dot bikini...Skip to my Loo...Big rock candy mountain...Blowing in the wind...so so many of them. It really took me back in time....to that languid but spirited life at Wellington(Ooty)...to the drowsy evenings...the fabulous mornings. I realised how much I had left behind, and how much I miss being in the old times. I miss the flowers, the way they looked in the morning, and how happy Mom would look with her darling garden...the dark woods, the secret stream, the panther's cave(not really), the walks, the golf courses, the gymkhana, the little turns and bends to the most awesome sand pits...the way we sometimes found unguarded nests with eggs intact, the hugest trees I ever saw and the oldest too...the old church..the horses...the sheep...the hilly tea plantations...the clouds almost touching you...how I love the old feel of a English summer.The cosy dark rooms with endless stacks of books and my favourite corner digging into disney stuff. How charming it was reading Pocahontas and imagining things. lazy, lazy days. The old piano, and old Sir Michael. Such lovely mornings we had laughing and jumping and making fun of each other. How he strove to teach us some music.
Someday I want to go back and find the same old world (I hope I do), I want to be 14 again and run wild and free and find my way in the Cross hill wood. I want to bath under waterfalls and do the same lyril-girl-act. I found today that I haven't been on swings(jhoola) for as long as I can remember. Gosh I so want to,so want to do it. Also I haven't played those box games, I haven't played langdi taang and Kho-kho.Shucks i really miss being a kid...n just who told I cannot do it again? that I cannot be a kid anymore?
Someday I want to go back and find the same old world (I hope I do), I want to be 14 again and run wild and free and find my way in the Cross hill wood. I want to bath under waterfalls and do the same lyril-girl-act. I found today that I haven't been on swings(jhoola) for as long as I can remember. Gosh I so want to,so want to do it. Also I haven't played those box games, I haven't played langdi taang and Kho-kho.Shucks i really miss being a kid...n just who told I cannot do it again? that I cannot be a kid anymore?
Thursday, June 5, 2008
A Page from the Diary
Hey blog…
I am in my rare girlie mood. Which is to say that I feel pleasantly frivolous, vain, bitchy, light and free, marked with a casual disregard for any deep feelings or cares. The deal is finally FINALLY I am going to shop and shop and shop. I am getting real good at blackmailing dad to pay all my bills. Surprisingly (and God knows how/why) he has agreed to my shamelessly obnoxious demands. But, hey like who cares???? I am Happie. (touchwood). I decided I could get a little makeover done as well. Galling? Hehe… this one for you Sona :P
The rains are finally here. But, I am hoping they wouldn’t be a hurdle. If they do then that will make two (considering the Left-opposition bandhs). It has been really long since I bargained. I am out of practice. But, I am sure 5 minutes in Gariahat or New Market can pump me up. What else? the internet is irregular. So, spent my day watching FTV. There was a time I was glued to it all day. Sounds utterly boring. However, I caught a real good design by Burberry. I will ask my tailor to do it. Got a call from a college friend I had nearly forgotten. Talking to her can be one of the toughest tests of ones patience. Trust me she eats your brains, she makes you feel you were born deaf. She can never stop. So once she is on with her harping I keep the phone away for atleast 10 good minutes, and Voila! She is done by the time I check. She thinks she is the bestest know-it-all. I never bothered to correct her, and who knows I might never have succeeded. But for all, she has a heart of gold, a really big, fat, heart of gold (I can be bitchy, quite).
I don’t know why but I have this strange urge to write some more about her. She, along with her sweetheart, was the case (only Bengalis can appreciate the true meaning of this term) of our days at college. They were very public, sometimes (no... all the time) over the top, and thought of themselves as some authority in relationships (coz well they had been together for 6 whole years). For the last I applaud them sincerely. It must have taken guts of steel to tolerate each other. For my part, I somehow always found myself with them. Rather I was a scapegoat, they had to drag around. I tried one excuse after the other. They were hardly listened to. I don’t know why I was chosen. Maybe they thought poor girl with no guy, let’s give her some good time (yuck!!), or maybe they needed me between the two of them to prove their love, or maybe after a time you actually get bored of talking to just one person. That was their date…u, me and hum. It is terrible to be a threesome at times(most times). I had to endure all the whatever!! Anyways, all I know is they gave me a very bad relationship picture sans dignity and a feel good factor. All I prayed for every time we were in a cab was ‘gosh let them not eat at each other, please’. My prayers were rarely answered, even though I threatened them in every way possible. Sighs!! Whatever, by the last year I took it on as an indifferent outing for free food and good music.
Alright now I need to stop it. Something is snapping. Something is flapping around.
P.S -I am SORRY God. I am sorry God. I am sorry God. I am sorry.
What do you know? I am not actually, but need to keep my record clear. :P
And I sincerely hope she never reads it.
I am in my rare girlie mood. Which is to say that I feel pleasantly frivolous, vain, bitchy, light and free, marked with a casual disregard for any deep feelings or cares. The deal is finally FINALLY I am going to shop and shop and shop. I am getting real good at blackmailing dad to pay all my bills. Surprisingly (and God knows how/why) he has agreed to my shamelessly obnoxious demands. But, hey like who cares???? I am Happie. (touchwood). I decided I could get a little makeover done as well. Galling? Hehe… this one for you Sona :P
The rains are finally here. But, I am hoping they wouldn’t be a hurdle. If they do then that will make two (considering the Left-opposition bandhs). It has been really long since I bargained. I am out of practice. But, I am sure 5 minutes in Gariahat or New Market can pump me up. What else? the internet is irregular. So, spent my day watching FTV. There was a time I was glued to it all day. Sounds utterly boring. However, I caught a real good design by Burberry. I will ask my tailor to do it. Got a call from a college friend I had nearly forgotten. Talking to her can be one of the toughest tests of ones patience. Trust me she eats your brains, she makes you feel you were born deaf. She can never stop. So once she is on with her harping I keep the phone away for atleast 10 good minutes, and Voila! She is done by the time I check. She thinks she is the bestest know-it-all. I never bothered to correct her, and who knows I might never have succeeded. But for all, she has a heart of gold, a really big, fat, heart of gold (I can be bitchy, quite).
I don’t know why but I have this strange urge to write some more about her. She, along with her sweetheart, was the case (only Bengalis can appreciate the true meaning of this term) of our days at college. They were very public, sometimes (no... all the time) over the top, and thought of themselves as some authority in relationships (coz well they had been together for 6 whole years). For the last I applaud them sincerely. It must have taken guts of steel to tolerate each other. For my part, I somehow always found myself with them. Rather I was a scapegoat, they had to drag around. I tried one excuse after the other. They were hardly listened to. I don’t know why I was chosen. Maybe they thought poor girl with no guy, let’s give her some good time (yuck!!), or maybe they needed me between the two of them to prove their love, or maybe after a time you actually get bored of talking to just one person. That was their date…u, me and hum. It is terrible to be a threesome at times(most times). I had to endure all the whatever!! Anyways, all I know is they gave me a very bad relationship picture sans dignity and a feel good factor. All I prayed for every time we were in a cab was ‘gosh let them not eat at each other, please’. My prayers were rarely answered, even though I threatened them in every way possible. Sighs!! Whatever, by the last year I took it on as an indifferent outing for free food and good music.
Alright now I need to stop it. Something is snapping. Something is flapping around.
P.S -I am SORRY God. I am sorry God. I am sorry God. I am sorry.
What do you know? I am not actually, but need to keep my record clear. :P
And I sincerely hope she never reads it.
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