Mirror on the Wall

I don't know what to write...I had something in my mind though, only it is very liquid.I wanted to talk about time and age and change and the other variants.



I remember the only holidays I ever had as a child and also until a few years back were yearly visits to my granny's place.There was so much excitement packed in the journey(always by train) and the anticipation. My heart used to dance like mad when the station finally came and we were on our way to that home of my childhood.The first thing I would hear is aar koto lomba hobi re tui?? (how much more tall do u want to be).Nothing compared to that somehow.Just a few weeks, but those were the times to catch up with what was amiss, have fun, n feasts,share secrets with friends I met only once a year,and make promises for the next.Some year I would have cropped hair and then in the next I would surprise them all with a pony."What would Dida say?What would bhalo say?What would choti say when she sees me?"We arranged for skits to be a part of the evening programme organised especially by the kids.



And then time changed and I changed groups.I didnot find childish games any more fun.If my little cousins found that strange they didnot tell me so.Now I would stick to the Bodo der dol (the group of elders).Our topics changed too.No more what to play this afternoon,or plan how to sneak out to buy some candies while the elders rested.It was more about things like careers, studies,marriages,relatives,duties,problems etc..etc...I remember as a kid I hated the times mom would say Ja khelte jaa..ekhon bodo ra kotha bolbe (go and play, the elders will talk now).I so wanted to know what they discussed.Many a times I tried to eavesdrop too.But, never succeeded.Now, I wish they would tell me the same thing...how I would love to play and not pay heed to care and morose issues.



I found my favourite place in front of the mirror.I would talk to myself and laugh and even cry looking at myself all the time.I donot particularly miss school.It didnot mean much to me.But, it did teach me a lot about survival.I had a constant feeling that everyone was looking at me and I would not dare to look up.I would do my homework and they would take my note and copy it ..d whole class....and what would I do?Nothing.I didnot dare,I never did.Everyday was suchcha battle.What a jassi I was.



Mirrors kept changing and so did I.I donot recognise the girl in the class photographs,timid,skinny ,trying to hide behind the next.There were so many things I wanted to be that time,but never could be.Now,that I have become all those things I crave a bit of that old Jassi...but I know she is lost forever.



I do not carry any regrets...only I wish I had not met a few people...only wish I did not have to change.

P.S:How I do run on....lol!!